When Worship Didn’t Challenge Me to Change

Have you ever been in a church service in which you were led into worship by the praise and worship team and then the Pastor comes with a powerful word that further ushers in the presence of the Lord? In that moment, you stand in awe of the worship that has gone forth. After the service, you fellowship and high-five your brothers and sisters in Christ and talk about how powerful the service was; but then the moment you walk outside the building, that feeling of being in the presence of God goes away and you go back to the struggle you walked in church with.

I was reading a book by Rory Nolan titled The Worshiping Artist. In it, Rory shares a story about a young man who struggled with pornography. He worked the audiovisual  system in the church. He came to church Sunday after Sunday and worshiped the Lord, yet walked away Sunday after Sunday with the same issue and unchanged. Once revealed, he was removed from his leadership position and the Elders of the church prepared an outline to help him get back on track.  After some time, he was able to meet with his Pastor who asked him “how could you attend church and be a part of the worship service while doing pornography on the side? Did the worship not affect you?” The young man’s response was, “I suppose it did but not deep enough. I mean, worship at church was nice and all, but it never really challenged me to change.”

Ladies, how many of us go to church Sunday after Sunday, with struggle in tote, and leave with that same struggle and unchanged? There are many of us who serve in different auxiliaries in the church and while serving, we are yet holding on to that secret struggle that no one knows about. Some of us hide behind our position in the church or our gift and/or talent and continue to serve as if we aren’t carrying the extra weight of that secret struggle.

I remember battling with my own private struggle. It may not have been pornography but what I secretly struggled with hindered me in different areas of my life. Why couldn’t I break away from this THING? I read the word of God. I participated in the worship service. I prayed! Why was nothing working? If nothing else, I believed that I could get to that place of worship at church and be delivered! Now, keep in mind that my thinking was narrow at the time because I now know that I don’t have to be in a building to be delivered! Amen!!! But I came to the realization that my participation in the worship service was being done out of formality. The same songs, the same routine in the same atmosphere. An atmosphere that wasn’t challenging me to change. But it wasn’t the worship team, the choir or the Pastor; It was me! 

It took me going through the motions and finally realizing that worship wasn’t changing me because I wasn’t devoting the time necessary to build my inner-man (spirit). I wasn’t spending enough time in God’s word. I wasn’t applying His word to my daily living and I had shaky faith. Wait…but I was brought up in the church! I was a worshiper! Honestly, I was what you would call a “Public Worshiper.” I had not developed or devoted private time in worship with God. WOW! 

God sat me down for three years; I didn’t pick up a microphone. In those three years, God dealt with my heart. He put people in my path that were instrumental in ensuring that I understood worship, not just singing. How to usher in the presence of God and not just make people feel good from listening to me sing. These people  held me accountable. I held myself accountable too. In those three years, I worked to develop a private worship lifestyle. In doing so, as life presented its many struggles or strongholds, as it often did, I was able to withstand and overcome them. Instead of panicking or losing my mind, I fell down and worshiped. To this day, I have been devoting private time in worship with God. Life still presents itself and tries to put me in a choke hold but I’m reminded of God’s word and my time with Him and it allows me to escape the hold the enemy will try and have on me!

As a worship leader, whether upfront or background, we have to spend time in private worship. Being a public worshiper just won’t cut it! I’m a living witness.

Know that I love you with the love of the Lord.

Kwatasian